Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Do you believe in ghosts?

For a long time, my answer would have been that I believe that there is something there but that I couldn't believe until I had some proof.

Of course I still do not have any proof except for what I experienced over the summer and I still feel a strong sense of sadness and connection to this.

In July, part of my summer holiday took me to Cambodia and many of you might remember me writing about how this country deeply affected me spiritually. Not only was the country beautiful and has rebuilt wonderfully since their genocide but there was a sense of familiarity that places of the country held that I still haven't been able to shake off.

I took a tour of Tuol Sleng prison which used to be a high school before the Khmer Rouge turned it into a secret prison that held over 30,000 people before they were sent to the killing fields (During Pol Pot's regime, they killed between one to two million people in four years). From first glance, the prison looked like any other school. A few gymnasium apparatus on the lawn, next to old school benches. But when your eyes have a moment to soak in the images, you see the barb wire, the chain link fence that covered all the windows and balcony so people wouldn't commit suicide. The classrooms that used to teach were converted into small prison cells, the floors holding the dark stains of history and you know all too well that this place holds so much pain, suffering and sadness.

Something happened as I began walking through the school. At first, I attributed it to the overwhelming sense of sadness. Standing in the room, hearing the stories from the guide and the feeling of numbness came across my body. While standing in the classroom, something held on to my pant leg. You know that feeling when you are out hiking and you catch your pant leg on a branch? That was the feeling that I had. Something grabbing hold of my pant leg. Of course, I was focused on listening to the guide so I slap my leg to "let it loose" and continue moving through the school. At the next juncture, where I was listening to how the the prisoners were kept in the school, that snagging feeling happened again. This time, I looked down and saw that nothing was there. But when I began walking, my right leg had a drag to it, there was something holding me back and I wasn't stuck to anything. But the pulling sensation wasn't the only thing that I felt. At the place where I was being held, my thigh felt tingly, like when your leg or arm feel asleep but it was an electrical charge. I kept shaking my leg and my pants and the sensation wouldn't go away. It kept following me, holding on tight to my leg, the electricity isolated only to my right thigh. I didn't think too much of it while walking through the school, I actually thought of it more as an annoyance than anything. But the weirdest thing was the moment that I took that step outside of the school's gate, the pulling and electric feeling stopped. Nothing. No pulling sensation. No tingly. Nothing.

I didn't think too much of the feeling until the next morning, when I awoke with the feeling and the understanding that there really was someone there, holding me back, wanting me to stay there. I know that it sounds a little silly but after more investigation into it (and I do happen to have an old client that studies this who helped me with this), we came upon the conclusion that it was a child who latched onto me.

To some, this can just really sound like some far-fetched story. And to be honest, if someone was to tell me that this happened to them, I too might cast some doubt. But it's crazy knowing that this is something that I experienced. That it was something that I just had to write down so that I didn't forget it. But something that I also wanted to share too because I don't think that this happens often.