Monday, March 26, 2007

dream deferred...wise words from langston hughes

"What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?"

"A dream deferred…" these words from Langston Hughes I can't get out of my mind. These words keep crossing my mind though because I am trying to figure out, what is my dream? What is my rubber ball that I should chase throughout life? (*Read Kevin Carroll's "Rules of the Red Rubber Ball")

I live in my day to day world, working and trying to make some difference. I volunteer to make a difference in someone's life and there is nothing like seeing the spark in her eyes when I see her inspired. I love those around me that I would do anything for them. But where are these things going to take me in life? What is the common thread within my life that I will keep carrying throughout my days? Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? Am I even going in the right direction with my career? What is the career that I want to do? Do I want to be doing advertising until I retire? I doubt it. My passion still runs deeply with the Fulfillment Fund and mentoring, perhaps a shift one day into the non-profit world will be a possibility? Is that what I want to do?

I've decided that part of my dream is to travel the world and I'm already making that a reality. As scared as I am, everything is in motion for me to begin my travels. I am anxious of the journey yet amazed that I actually followed this dream. But what else is there beyond that?

As I get older, the consideration of having a family becomes more of a realism. Having a partner who will be with me to the end? Having someone to share it with is of course something that I want to have, but it's sad knowing that nowadays, they end more in divorce than in a happy ending. But then I look at my family and other families and see that it is a possibility. Is having children another part of my dream where I can show them the world? Is that also part of my dream? All these pieces and I still can't seem to figure out what my dream is.

I guess that is something that we all go through in life. During each phase in life, we have different dreams depending on what is going on in our life at that moment. We are more focused on motions of our day to day lives that we rarely stop to reflect on ourselves and what we want in life. In this moment, as I'm writing these thoughts for others to read, I'm happy with every part of my life. And yet I question where is this all going. Fast forward to five years from now. I'll be thirty two. Where am I in life? Will I have that same partner? That child? That perfect house with the white picket fence and that ideal career? Or will I still be pondering love and life in the comfort of my home, with no one to come home too? Five years sounds like a long time ago yet being twenty two was just yesterday.

A dream deferred…am I deferring it or moving closer towards it?

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